Every Netflix Original Series, Ranked

Winter is coming upon us. Thanksgiving has passed, and the holiday season is in full swing. With the additional time off from work and school that this time of the year promises, we have found which Netflix series you should spend this holiday series binge watching.  Party!

24. Borgia
23. Between
22. Hemlock Grove
21. Derek
20. Marco Polo
19. Sense8
18. Scrotal Recall
17. Daredevil
16. Grace and Frankie
15. Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp 14. River
13. House of Cards
12. Lilyhammer
11. Peaky Blinders
10. The Fall
9. BoJack Horseman
8. Bloodline
7. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
6. Jessica Jones
5. Chef’s Table
4. Orange Is the New Black
3. Narcos
2. Happy Valley
1. Master of None

_____

Photo Credit: Netfilx

After ranking all of the HBO shows ever, I got a lot of feedback. “You’re very dumb,” some said. “You have the taste of a homeless kite enthusiast,” others pointed out. “Your obsession with Deadwood is as boringly predictable as it is troubling,” said my mom.

And thanks to those positive affirmations and the release of the new Netflix Original Series Marvel’s Jessica Jones, I decided it was time again to subjectively rank all of its shows based on my own very personal and specific biases. The rules were simple: I watched only Netflix Original Series and shows in which Netflix has the exclusive right to distribute in the USA (so no Arrested Development or others cherry-picked from previous networks). I watched at least three episodes of every show (though embarrassingly enough, I’ve seen 70% in their entirety) and didn’t include sketch comedy, anime, teen/kids stuff, and shows that aren’t at least partly in English (I’m sorry Marseille!!!). As for the shows themselves, I factored in originality, writing, pacing, arc, and at least one other thing I can’t remember.

Now go off, and judge me as I have judged these shows:

24. Borgia

Despite the fact that there’s nudity in the opening credits, this show is — dare I say — unwatchable? And that makes me sad because the show-runner is Tom Fontana, aka the dude who created Oz. But as much as I enjoyed his prison drama featuring complicated men wearing tiny hats, I could not get into the lives of this particularly creepy cutthroat Italian Renaissance family. For one: it felt almost as if the American actors were just reading Google Translations of lines written in Italian directly off a teleprompter somewhere stage left. For two: watching Deputy Commissioner William Rawls from The Wire wear a long blonde wig and do sex with much younger people strikes up serious cognitive dissonance. For three: self-flagellation is very 2006 The Da Vinci Code.